Retired (a little long)

So, I have officially been retired as a registered nurse for one month, even though I haven't worked for about 9 months. I was feeling a little weird about it lately, then I read this list of
"You know your a nurse when..." and I actually missed nursing for about 2 minutes. I know I will eventually go back, but reading this brought back some good memories. I wouldn't trade being home with my boys for that though. I thought I would share this list of the twisted humor we nurses share.
Randy loves to tell the story of the first time he met my family. We went to dinner at my parent's house and my sister Melanie (also an RN) was living at home at the time and working for a plastic surgeon. Combine that with me, a nursing student at the time, and my dad a mortician, and we had a conversation Randy will never forget. It started off with a discussion of Melanie's day of work and details of breat enhancement surgery and moved on from there. Randy was disturbed, but thank goodness he stuck around. Sorry to say the medical conversations have never ended. He's used to it now.

"You Know You're a Nurse When..."
1)The front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses... here to Save your butt, not kiss it!'
2) You occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians only' sign... and knock it over.
3) You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4) You recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
6) You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
7) You believe that saying 'it can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can. **8) You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
**11) Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
12) You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
14) You've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
17) You have seen more boy parts than any prostitute could dream of.
18) You believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious.
19) Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) You don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) You've sworn to have 'do not resuscitate' tattooed on your chest. Soon.
22) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
23) Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
25) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
**26) You believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
28) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase 'Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) You have ever wanted to write a book entitled: 'Suicide: getting it right the first time.'
30) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say 'I have no idea how that got stuck in there.'
31) You've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.